Because Even I

/via tumblr

It's already Ramadhan.

One of the things that need to be done as Eid is approaching is to get our baju raya made. Since I am oddly sized, or rather, because I have arms that run for miles, I have to get my baju tailored because I'll never fit into ready-made bajus. It's the downside of living in a country where the average girls are fun-sized, sigh. That being said, I will have to go find all the kain (fabric) needed to make my baju and usually, this means that I will have to go to one fabric store to another.

Which I hate.

I always thought that the whole process is a hassle. Too many fabric stores, too many choices of fabrics. Not making it better when I usually went out to look for the kain when I'm fasting. I wish I could just fit into ready-made bajus. I wish people would start making bajus that would fit me nicely. I wish I have an average-sized body. I hate going to the tailor to get my measurements taken and all. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother looking for the kain, and why my mum would nag to me to go. 

I was walking around in the city with Jiah, looking for the kain for this year's Eid and feeling bitter like always because I'm tired and I can't find the kain that I liked enough that matches the theme of this year's Eid, and also getting fed up with walking around in a busy street because I hate crowded places when it hits me;

Why am I feeling as though all of this is a burden? There are millions out there that don't even have the privilege to buy new clothes in a whole year, let alone on Eid. Heck, some even don't have the privilege to celebrate Eid. So why am I complaining? 

Astaghfirullah.

I am lucky, I am blessed, but I was blind. I never took a moment to count my blessings and thank God for all that I have. I was ignorant, I was selfish. Arrogant, even. And for that, I am sorry.

I will appreciate more.

I will love more.

I will hate less.

I will complain less.

I will change to be a better me, insyaAllah.